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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #households #accommodation #england #wales #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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During the year 1918, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 owning their own
accommodation
Use synonyms
 was far less than the one that rented their
accommodation
Use synonyms
. It shows about 76% of
people
Use synonyms
 rented their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. About 22% of the
people
Use synonyms
 have their own
accommodation
Use synonyms
. In 1939, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 owning their
accommodation
Use synonyms
 increased to about 31% but it is still not as much as the 68% of the
people
Use synonyms
 having to rent their
accommodation
Use synonyms
 even though it decreased. The
amount
Use synonyms
 of rented and owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 stayed the same during 1953. The owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 continues to increase from 31% to about 41% as the rented
accommodation
Use synonyms
 decreases to around 59%. In 1971, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of rented and owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 were both 50%. After that the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 renting their
accommodation
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 owning their own
accommodation
Use synonyms
 beats the rented one. During 2001 the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 owning their own
accommodation
Use synonyms
 slowed down to 69%.
Then
Linking Words
, in 2011, it decreased to about 63%
while
Linking Words
 the rented
accommodation
Use synonyms
 increased from around 31% to 36%.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, accommodation, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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