IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis.Other people believe that world population is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world's economy and society. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #world #population #crisis #growth #economy #society #option
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of
people
believe
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think that the growth of the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
population
 may lead to a shortage of
food
 and
water
, and may lead to a
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 crisis.
While
 others believe that the more the increase the better
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 economy will be. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the
people
 who think that the more we grow the less
food
 and
water
 we have, You could see
this
happeing
Correct your spelling
happening
 in some less lucky countries, Where they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
food
 and
water
 but as they
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 the more it
became
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 unsustainable to
provied
Correct your spelling
provide
 for themselves. Which could lead to a civil war and/or a
bankrubt
Correct your spelling
bankrupt
bankruptcy
 country.
On the other hand
, We have the
people
 who believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
world
population
 growth is beneficial
where
Correct word choice
because
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
poplation
Correct your spelling
population
 and
society
 as a whole. In
short
Add a comma
,short
show examples
 the more there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
people
 the more there is someone who wants to buy something,
This
 is how the economy
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
,
Society
 would benefit
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 more
people
 picking up harder jobs and unwanted jobs. When there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more
new borns
Correct your spelling
newborns
show examples
 the chance of
society
 getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better chef, Doctor and a better singer.
While
 both of them have a point to make, I do not think
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 a good idea to
inforce
Correct your spelling
enforce
 a rule that says you can’t have babies.
food
 and
water
 can be used in a smart way so that it is more sustainable.
Thus
 there will be no
world
 crisis , And the economy will grow along
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
population
. and the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of the growth of
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
population
 to
society
 are more than its negative.
Submitted by hmody_b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: