Looking at the graph given we are able to decipher that it shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. This is further divided into males and females which can be seen by looking at the key.

Looking at the graph given we are able to decipher that it shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007. This is further divided into males and females which can be seen by looking at the key.
Looking at the
graph
given we are able to decipher that it shows the
number
of university
graduates
in Canada from 1992 to 2007.
This
is
further
divided into
males
and
females
which can be seen by looking at the key. Glancing at the
graph
it is clearly visible that the
number
of
graduates
for both
males
and
females
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
grown to reach their
peaks
Fix the agreement mistake
peak
show examples
in 2007. In the year 1992, when the
graph
began recording the data the
number
of female
graduates
was 100,000
whereas
the
males
were at 70,000.
This
shows that there were always more female
graduates
in Canada by 30,000.
However
, as the years continued
this
gap became even more evident as in 2007, the difference between the two was around 34,000. Taking a better look at the
graph
, we can see that there were a lot of fluctuations in the numbers especially for the
females
. In the year 1994, the
number
stopped growing but
instead
, dipped back down to around 100,000 again.
This
went on till 2001
where
Rephrase
when
show examples
then
it began to grow again at a much steeper rate. During the years leading up to
2002
Add a comma
,2002
show examples
there were 20,000 more
graduates
which was the fastest growth recorded between both
females
and
males
.
Then
,
this
slowed down in 2004
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
the
number
stagnated at just below 130,000.
After
this
, like before, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of female
graduates
started to rapidly increase again reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
peak in 2007 as mentioned before. Moving on to the male
graduates
it is visible that there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
fluctuations and it is more steady. There is an almost identical rise and dip as described for the
females
from 1994 to 1999.
Then
, between
then
and 2000 there was a small rise by around 15,000
however
,
that is
shortlived as in 2001 it
plummited
Correct your spelling
plummeted
again.
After
this
came the biggest rise there was for male
graduates
yet. Like the female
graduates
it lasted from 2002 till 2004 after which it started to slow down
unlike
Add the comma(s)
,unlike
show examples
the
females
who continued to increase.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this, however".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, number, graduates, males, females with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dipped" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.

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