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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #od #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The provided bar chart expresses the information on
volume
Add an article
the volume
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in different
age
 genres who always did
exercise
Add an article
an exercise
the exercise
show examples
 in the year 2010.
Overall
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of male, and female exercisers were downward.
However
, the declined ratio between men, and women female ratio was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher. In a nutshell,
habit
Add an article
the habit
a habit
show examples
 of exercise got less priority in
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
age
 men’s
group
. In the
age
 of 15 to 24 most men were into physical activity. The percentage was 52.8. After that, the
old
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 they grew their exercise habit got
less down
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle
age
 maximum male lost their interest
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical activity, the ratio was only 39.5 in the
age
group
 of 35 to 44.
However
,
this
 practice got back among
65
Correct article usage
the 65
show examples
 and over
age
 male
group
.
In contrast
, in the women
age
group
Add a comma
,group
show examples
 there was not any
massively
Change the adverb
massive
show examples
 fluctuation in the interest of physical activation.
Whereas
, in some
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 women were more
enthusiastics
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 than men. In
age
 between 35-44 (female; 52.5%), 45-54 (female; 53.3%), and 55-64 (female; 53%), these groups are much higher than
men’s
Correct article usage
the men’s
show examples
group
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
group
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 both
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 and female
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 went down. Even though the
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 differences
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not that much.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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