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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #od #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided bar chart expresses the information on
volume
Add an article
the volume
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 genres who always did
exercise
Add an article
an exercise
the exercise
show examples
 in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of male, and female exercisers were downward.
However
Linking Words
, the declined ratio between men, and women female ratio was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher. In a nutshell,
habit
Add an article
the habit
a habit
show examples
 of exercise got less priority in
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 men’s
group
Use synonyms
. In the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 24 most men were into physical activity. The percentage was 52.8. After that, the
old
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 they grew their exercise habit got
less down
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle
age
Use synonyms
 maximum male lost their interest
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical activity, the ratio was only 39.5 in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice got back among
65
Correct article usage
the 65
show examples
 and over
age
Use synonyms
 male
group
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the women
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
,group
show examples
 there was not any
massively
Change the adverb
massive
show examples
 fluctuation in the interest of physical activation.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in some
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 women were more
enthusiastics
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 than men. In
age
Use synonyms
 between 35-44 (female; 52.5%), 45-54 (female; 53.3%), and 55-64 (female; 53%), these groups are much higher than
men’s
Correct article usage
the men’s
show examples
group
Use synonyms
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
group
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 both
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 and female
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 went down. Even though the
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 differences
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not that much.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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