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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#people #usa #food #restaurants #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided line graphs
expresses
Change the verb form
express
show examples
 the volume of the fast food eater frequency in the restaurants of the United States of America from the
year
Use synonyms
 2003 to
year
Use synonyms
 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the pertcentage
show examples
pertcentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
diffenent
Correct your spelling
different
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 of the
month
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 described here.
Where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2003, 2006, and
year
Use synonyms
 2013 most of the people visited
Use synonyms
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 once a
week
Use synonyms
 and once or twice a
month
Use synonyms
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
in the age
2003
Change preposition
of 2003
show examples
, most of the
time
Use synonyms
cizitizens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 were had been to
Use synonyms
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
 once a
week
Use synonyms
(31%) or once or twice a
month
Use synonyms
(30%). After that 17%
Change preposition
of male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
vistied
Correct your spelling
visited
 hotels for the
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
 of eating several
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
. Minimum
vistiors
Correct your spelling
visitors
 noticed
in-
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, a few
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 and never each
time
Use synonyms
vistitor's
Correct your spelling
visitor's
visitors
 rate was less than 15%.
Second,
Linking Words
in the
year
Use synonyms
 2006,
Maximum
Correct word choice
Most
show examples
 people visited restaurants once a
week
Use synonyms
 or once or twice a
month
Use synonyms
 like
2003
Change preposition
in 2003
show examples
 and 2013. The ratio was more than 30% in
Linking Words
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 two categories. Followed by
these two genre
Change the determiner
this two genre
these two genres
show examples
,
several
Correct article usage
the several
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 category got
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 clients. The consumer rate was 20% which was more than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two years.
Finally
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013 maximum number of clients spent
time
Use synonyms
 in the
cafe
Use synonyms
 once or twice a
month
Use synonyms
. The percentage was nearly 33%.
This
Linking Words
 is the highest among other categories.
Linking Words
This
Change preposition
During this
show examples
 period,
less consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer consumers
show examples
 spent
cafe
Use synonyms
 in
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
show examples
 category(2.5%), a few
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 (15%), and never (4%), which are equal to the
year
Use synonyms
 2006.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, time, month, cafe, week, times with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food consumption
  • dining frequency
  • decade overview
  • trend analysis
  • to dine out
  • fluctuation
  • sharp increase
  • gradual decline
  • eating habits
  • statistical comparison
  • consuming pattern
  • noteworthy change
  • anomaly
  • periodic comparison
  • data interpretation
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