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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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These pie Charts show the
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in various
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 in the specific six
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 all
Over
Fix capitalization
over
show examples
 the world. we can see here North
Use synonyms
Change the capitalization
America
show examples
america
Change the capitalization
America
show examples
 and Europe are the highest
water
Use synonyms
 user in the industrial area
whereas
Linking Words
 others
use
Use synonyms
 the most
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
 in agriculture. Household usage rate is always lower
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared to
show examples
 those two. In depth, the statistics show that
Eupope
Correct your spelling
Europe
 spend 53% of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 and North
America
Use synonyms
 is 48%
while
Linking Words
 other areas are showing
this
Linking Words
 rate under 12% or less in the purpose of Industrial
use
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, Agriculture
occupy
Change the verb form
occupies
show examples
 the highest sum of 88% in Central
Asia
Use synonyms
. Africa and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 stand for 84% and 81% respectively. South
America
Use synonyms
 has pa
rcentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of 71% and North
America
Use synonyms
 witnessed 32%, the least in
this
Linking Words
 purpose. Domestic
use
Use synonyms
 always shows the lowest
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 percentage If we compare with the other two sectors.
However
Linking Words
, South American people
use
Use synonyms
 19%, and
European
Replace the word
Europeans
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 15% of
water
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. The statistics
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
. African rate of
water
Use synonyms
 consumption for domestic
use
Use synonyms
 is 9%, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
Americans
Replace the word
American
show examples
 usage is 4% extra than Africa and stood at 13%.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, america, use, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • water consumption
  • agricultural, industrial, domestic
  • usage patterns
  • developed vs developing regions
  • irrigation systems
  • climate factors
  • percentage breakdown
  • water management
  • sustainability
  • residential water use
  • efficiency
  • charts comparison
  • water-intensive
  • water scarcity
  • resource allocation
  • desalination
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