The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the  proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
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The bar chart shows the
difference
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between the
percentage
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of
females
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and
males
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in
Change preposition
with
show examples
different post-school
qualifications
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in Australia in 1999.
Overall
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,
women
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had the highest
share
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in
two
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qualifications
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,
while
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men
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ranked
first
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in three. The highest
figures
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for
women
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and
men
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were reported in The bar chart
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
the
difference
Use synonyms
between the
percentage
Use synonyms
of
females
Use synonyms
and
males
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
different post-school
qualifications
Use synonyms
in Australia in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
had the highest
share
Use synonyms
in
two
Use synonyms
qualifications
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
ranked
first
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in three. The highest
figures
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for
women
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and
men
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were reported in undergraduate
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diploma
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diplomas
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and skilled vocational
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diploma
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diplomas
show examples
, respectively. There was a significant
difference
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between the proportions of
males
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and
females
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in skilled vocational
diploma
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, with the former standing
first
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with 90%. The disparity between the
two
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figures
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was almost the same for undergraduate
diplomas
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and postgraduate
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diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
in the former
women
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had the highest
share
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with 70%,
men
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accounted for the largest
percentage
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in the latter with
70%.undergraduate
Correct your spelling
70 %.undergraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
and skilled vocational
Use synonyms
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
, respectively. There was a significant
difference
Use synonyms
between the proportions of
males
Use synonyms
and
females
Use synonyms
in skilled vocational
diploma
Use synonyms
, with the former standing
first
Use synonyms
with 90%. The disparity between the
two
Use synonyms
figures
Use synonyms
was almost the same for undergraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
and postgraduate
diplomas
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
in the former
women
Use synonyms
had the highest
share
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with 70%,
men
Use synonyms
accounted for the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
in the latter with 70%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall, while".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words difference, percentage, females, males, qualifications, women, share, two, men, first, figures, diploma, diplomas with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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