The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the  proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
The bar chart shows the
difference
between the
percentage
of
females
and
males
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
different post-school
qualifications
in Australia in 1999.
Overall
,
women
had the highest
share
in
two
qualifications
,
while
men
ranked
first
in three. The highest
figures
for
women
and
men
were reported in The bar chart
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
the
difference
between the
percentage
of
females
and
males
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
different post-school
qualifications
in Australia in 1999.
Overall
,
women
had the highest
share
in
two
qualifications
,
while
men
ranked
first
in three. The highest
figures
for
women
and
men
were reported in undergraduate
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
and skilled vocational
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
, respectively. There was a significant
difference
between the proportions of
males
and
females
in skilled vocational
diploma
, with the former standing
first
with 90%. The disparity between the
two
figures
was almost the same for undergraduate
diplomas
and postgraduate
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
.
However
,
while
in the former
women
had the highest
share
with 70%,
men
accounted for the largest
percentage
in the latter with
70%.undergraduate
Correct your spelling
70 %.undergraduate
diplomas
and skilled vocational
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
, respectively. There was a significant
difference
between the proportions of
males
and
females
in skilled vocational
diploma
, with the former standing
first
with 90%. The disparity between the
two
figures
was almost the same for undergraduate
diplomas
and postgraduate
diplomas
.
However
,
while
in the former
women
had the highest
share
with 70%,
men
accounted for the largest
percentage
in the latter with 70%.
Submitted by mawka974 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall, while".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words difference, percentage, females, males, qualifications, women, share, two, men, first, figures, diploma, diplomas with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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