the chart below shows the value of one country export in various categories during 2015 and 2016. the table shows the percentage change in value of export in 2016

the chart below shows the value of one country export in various categories during 2015 and 2016. the table shows the percentage change in value of export in 2016
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart above illustrates the earning proportion of products being sent out of the country in five different areas from 2015 to 2016. It's clear that textiles
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
earn the lowest income in 2015, whilst the highest is
petroleum
Use synonyms
products. In spite of the number, Agricultural items show insignificant development by only 0.81% rises in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Petroleum
Use synonyms
items
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieved
show examples
the biggest amount of all in both 2015 and 2016 around $60
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
each year. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
engineered goods that get
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
amount of money to
Petroleum
Use synonyms
which is
also
Linking Words
nearly 60%.
Hence
Linking Words
, fabrics are the least product that
being
Add a missing verb
is being
show examples
exported approximately 25%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jewellery are in between
amongst
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all. Their
annually
Change the word
annual
show examples
purchasing income
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
close to 40%, not the best yet can not be the lowest.
In addition
Linking Words
to the data, textiles take a lead in value increases
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
15% just by 12 months.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
petroleum
Use synonyms
scores the highest number of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
sold, the
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
3% in a year.
Submitted by matcha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words petroleum with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: