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Some people regard video games as a harmless, fun, or even as a useful educational tool. others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effects on the people who played them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #effects
Peopl`s
Correct your spelling
People`s
 opinions differ as to whether
video
games
 are beneficial or not.
While
 some
people
 might regard it as a
complete
Change the adjective
completely
show examples
 negative way of gaming, I still believe it brings far more benefits than its drawbacks. It is true that playing
video
games
 may result in
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 consequences.
Firstly
, players might become addicted to playing
such
games
duo
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to the exciting experiences they gain throughout playing.
This
 could even be more destructive for youngers who
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 properly define limits for their
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
time
, so it would definitely
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 a concerning situation for parents to struggle with.
Secondly
, As
video
games
 on mobile phones
as well as
 playstations are providing a single game
time
 for
people
,
therefore
, they may not tend to spend
time
 with their family and friends on outdoor
leisures
Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
show examples
 and they may gradually turn to unsociable persons. Despite all
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of
video
games
 described above, from my perspective, playing
games
 on digital devices would provide
people
 with
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many positive outputs if it
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 bounded. The first reason why I support the benefits of
such
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
gaming is that it obviously
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
people
`s imagination. By creating an artistic extraordinary world with supernatural humans and overpowering capabilities,
game`s
Correct article usage
the game`s
show examples
atmosphier
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
exposing
Wrong verb form
exposes
show examples
people
 to too much imaginary
datas
Correct your spelling
data
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their ideation. At the same
time
, I think,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constant playing, using your fingers, eyes, and anticipation helps you on a better mental and physical
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
 and
therefore
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you better at tasks like playing a musical instrument. In conclusion,
Although
 spending too much
time
 could have its negative aspects, I believe, it has the potential
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 beneficial provided that
being
Wrong verb form
it is
show examples
 limited.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be clearer and more developed.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on sentence structure and grammar.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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