Some people regard video games as a harmless, fun, or even as a useful educational tool. others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effects on the people who played them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #effects

Peopl`s

Correct your spelling

People`s

opinions differ as to whether

video

games

are beneficial or not.

While

some

people

might regard it as a

complete

Change the adjective

completely

show examples

negative way of gaming, I still believe it brings far more benefits than its drawbacks. It is true that playing

video

games

may result in

harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

consequences.

Firstly

, players might become addicted to playing

such

games

duo

Correct your spelling

due

show examples

to the exciting experiences they gain throughout playing.

This

could even be more destructive for youngers who

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

properly define limits for their

palying

Correct your spelling

playing

time

, so it would definitely

brings

Change the verb form

bring

show examples

a concerning situation for parents to struggle with.

Secondly

, As

video

games

on mobile phones

as well as

playstations are providing a single game

time

for

people

therefore

, they may not tend to spend

time

with their family and friends on outdoor

leisures

Fix the agreement mistake

leisure

show examples

and they may gradually turn to unsociable persons. Despite all

disadvantages

Correct article usage

the disadvantages

show examples

video

games

described above, from my perspective, playing

games

on digital devices would provide

people

with

Rephrase

apply

show examples

many positive outputs if it

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

bounded. The first reason why I support the benefits of

such

Remove the article

apply

show examples

gaming is that it obviously

boost

Correct subject-verb agreement

boosts

show examples

people

`s imagination. By creating an artistic extraordinary world with supernatural humans and overpowering capabilities,

game`s

Correct article usage

the game`s

show examples

atmosphier

Correct your spelling

atmosphere

exposing

Wrong verb form

exposes

show examples

people

to too much imaginary

datas

Correct your spelling

data

wich

Correct your spelling

which

show examples

improve

Correct subject-verb agreement

improves

show examples

their ideation. At the same

time

, I think,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

constant playing, using your fingers, eyes, and anticipation helps you on a better mental and physical

conection

Correct your spelling

connection

and

therefore

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

you better at tasks like playing a musical instrument. In conclusion,

Although

spending too much

time

could have its negative aspects, I believe, it has the potential

of being

Change preposition

to be

show examples

beneficial provided that

being

Wrong verb form

it is

show examples

limited.

Submitted by z.rajabi on Tue Oct 03 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion could be clearer and more developed.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

grammatical range accuracy

Work on sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people regard video games as a harmless, fun, or even as a useful educational tool. others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effects on the people who played them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Large business have big budgets for marketing and promotic and as a result people garvitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

Most people in the world have to work to earn a living. However, many people work only for the financial gain that it involves, and not for any other rewards that a job can offer. What do you think the main consideration when deciding what job to take should be?