IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world,subject like science and technology are more important than History

#people #history #school #subjects #world #science #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With an increasing number of job opportunities and population in the country, the choice for the students in choosing their
subjects
Use synonyms
 has become debatable. People say that history is more important than other
subjects
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others argue that in
this
Linking Words
 modern
world
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in ruling the
world
Use synonyms
 of technology. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I feel both the
subjects
Use synonyms
 serve their own purposes,
therefore
Linking Words
 they are equally important. History as a
subject
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is an extremely useful
subject
Use synonyms
 for those who are interested in the field of arts and politics. It will guide
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
,
Change preposition
on
show examples
how the country has survived
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tremendous trouble and
then
Linking Words
 it gives
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
information on how to go about in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
,
great
Add an article
the great
a great
show examples
 leader of India,
Mahathma
Correct your spelling
Mahatma
 Gandi
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
regained its independence from
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 his non-violent strategy.
This
Linking Words
 strategy is implemented in the daily lives of many people these days and by some freedom fighters. For
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
 it is so important and they feel it can rule the continent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 are said to be modern
subjects
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 dominating the
world
Use synonyms
. More and more people are becoming interested in
this
Linking Words
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
 as more employment
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 have
been emerged
Change to the active voice
emerged
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 area.
For example
Linking Words
, you go to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hospital, you see doctors,
nurses
Correct word choice
and nurses
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are from
Use synonyms
science
Add an article
a science
show examples
 background and you go to
construction
Correct article usage
a construction
show examples
 site you see machine operators and engineers
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 come from the same background, in
short
Add the comma(s)
,short
show examples
 every field is covered with the
science
Use synonyms
 knowledge
therefore
Linking Words
, all those job
enthusiast
Change the determiner
enthusiasts
show examples
 considers
science
Use synonyms
 as the most important
subject
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I feel both the
subjects
Use synonyms
 are equally important depending upon how they serve the purposes. In a nutshell, in
this
Linking Words
 technological
world
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 is considered
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dominant,
however
Linking Words
; for the purpose of its independence, portraying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its cultural inheritance and security history
on the other hand
Linking Words
 is equally valuable.
Hence
Linking Words
 they are both indispensable to the modern school
subject
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from stronger topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly introduce the main point.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
The essay contains some sentence structure and grammar errors. Review your work for clarity and accuracy.
coherence cohesion
The essay would be more coherent if the ideas were organized in a more structured manner. Consider using paragraph breaks to separate different points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be stronger. Summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Expand on your arguments and provide more analysis to fully develop your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: