IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#percentage #women #men #asian #country #test #summarise #information #features #comparisons #minutes
The chart
display
Change the verb form
displays
show examples
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
the comparison
show examples
 of
men
 and
women
 passing
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of driving
test
 in one Asian country from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
,
women
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 passing ratio of driving
test
 than
men
 in each year of driving
test
. Both
women
 and
men
 show an
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of driving tests passed. In 1980, nearly 50% of
women
 passed the driving
test
while
 only 28%
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 did the same.
This
trend
 increased in 1990 with just over 50% of
women
pass
Wrong verb form
passing
show examples
 the
test
,
while
 almost 40% of
men
 passed.
This
trend
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 in 2000, with
men
 and
women
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase nearly 70% and 50% respectively.
This
trend
 changed in 2010 with
men
passing
Correct your spelling
men-passing
show examples
 ratio
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 steady.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the otyher
show examples
otyher
Correct your spelling
other
 hand,
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
passed
Correct pronoun usage
who passed
show examples
 percentage declined to 65%.
Overall
, the
trend
 showed an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 passed ratio for both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
women
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 more
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 compared to
men
 in terms of
result
Add an article
the result
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
test
.
Submitted by periset on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, test, trend with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: