Some poeple say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in thie free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on thier own. ' Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is known that every family growing to their

chilren

Correct your spelling

children

different type. Some parents want their

children

Use synonyms

join to organised group activities others

are

Verb problem

show examples

not.

this

Linking Words

essay will explain both organized class activities and free time. On the one hand, group activities are so important to

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

growing

Replace the word

growth

show examples

. İt

makes

Verb problem

apply

show examples

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

their relationship, ability and realize. That's why most

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

parents

choosing

Wrong verb form

choose

show examples

this

Linking Words

way.

For example

Linking Words

, my friend's son who is 12 years old, was very shy with another citizen

then

Linking Words

his father made a decision for his son and the boy started group game therapy. when the boy played his friend that loss

shining by

Wrong verb form

shone

show examples

day by,

Linking Words

finally

Correct word choice

and finally

show examples

he overcame

Change preposition

apply

show examples

his character.

On the other hand

Linking Words

,we have to let

children

Use synonyms

be free people in their free time. İt has

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

side and negative side

firstly

Linking Words

, they may get bored and live depressed because all

Use synonyms

children

Add a verb

arechildren

werechildren

show examples

not similar some are strong others are not.

Secondly

Linking Words

, if they

may

Verb problem

are

show examples

not

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

depresed

Correct your spelling

depressed

, they will be strong people because they will learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

For instance

Linking Words

, my lately more douth played

everytime

Replace the word

every time

show examples

alone and she has strong ecology. it was thanks to playing alone, not needing others' friends.

To sum up

Linking Words

, the to way is so important because the

bogth

Correct your spelling

both

booth

is correct. In my

opinion

Add a comma

,opinion

show examples

we have to the best way to

according to

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

. Some

children

Use synonyms

want to play with friends because they can be happy with friends

while

Linking Words

games. They can learn a lot of things thanks to games.

ares.grup

Oct 4, 2023

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Include an introduction and conclusion to give your essay a clear structure.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

lexical resource

Consider using more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers. What is the reason for this? Is it a good idea to copy famous personalities?