IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter remind him when and where you met tell him what kind of job you are interested in say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job
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Dear sir I am writing
this
 letter to let you know my problems
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I took a flight to HCM city on Vietjet
air
Capitalize word
Air
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 on November 15th. By chance, we got together on
this
 flight, I was happy to meet you and I know that you are a successful businessman with
restaurant
Add an article
a restaurant
the restaurant
show examples
. I would like to let you know that I am looking for a job in
a restaurants
Correct the article-noun agreement
a restaurant
restaurants
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. One important thing about the job is that I used to work in a pub in my town, and I intend to move to Da Nang City to like work , I wonder
that
Correct word choice
if
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 one of your restaurants in
this
 city
have
Change the verb form
has
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 any vacant positions for
waitress
Add an article
the waitress
a waitress
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. The main reason for
this
 is that I have some
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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to give
Change the verb form
giving
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 services
for
Change preposition
to
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 the guests.
Moreover
, I am
a
Change the article
apply
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flexible and friendly, from my point of view, I am suitable for
this
king
Correct your spelling
kind
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 of job. From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
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 I really hope to hear back from you soon, and one more thing is that I want to quickly come to your restaurant to work. Thank you very much for
prompt
Correct pronoun usage
your prompt
show examples
 attention to
this
 matter. Best regards, Ms. Nhi
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly and follow a logical structure in your letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of your letter can be improved. Use more formal language.
coherence cohesion
Focus on one main idea per paragraph and develop it fully.
task achievement
Provide more specific information about your experience and skills that make you suitable for the job.
task achievement
Ensure that your writing tone is formal throughout the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • chain of restaurants
  • potential job opportunity
  • relevant experience
  • managerial role
  • customer service
  • qualifications
  • certifications
  • unique skills
  • eagerness
  • admiration
  • resume
  • references
  • face-to-face meeting
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