IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

With the increasing demand for energy oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

#demand #energy #oil #gas #people #sources #places #areas
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Due to
 the incremental demand for natural resources, some people believe it is crucial to explore the region for mining in remote areas,
however
, I personally believe there are more drawbacks than merits derived from
such
 trends on both environment
as well as
 human societies. First of all, searching
fossil
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for fossil
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 fuel in remote areas could prompt various negative effects
to
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on
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environment
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the environment
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, including water pollution and air pollution,
not
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which not
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 only could provoke
extinction
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the extinction
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 of local species, reducing
the
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apply
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biological diversity, but
also
 deteriorate
the
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apply
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global warming
due to
 the emission of toxic gas.
Secondly
, a stable supply of traditional energies,
such
 as petrol and gas could deter the
comendary
Correct your spelling
commentary
 of using
sustanible
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sustainable
 energy since
such
 energies have more restrictions and higher costs. Take solar power as an example, it requires
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 space to install
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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,
moreover
, the
repairing
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repair
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 fee is
also
 expensive, which could reduce the interest of consumers in using clean energy.
On the other hand
, the proponents
arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that it is important to
enaure
Correct your spelling
ensure
 a sufficient supply of fossil oil since the majority of human activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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depand
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depend
 on it, including transportation, manufacturing, and
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the health-care
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health-care
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healthcare
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 system.
However
,
instead
 of developing
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the minding
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minding
Correct your spelling
mining
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 industry, it is better to find alternative energy which is more
sustanibility
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sustainability
 and
cuase
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causes
less
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fewer
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 downsides to the environment. To summarise, it is inevitable that exploring remote areas for fossil fuel could increase the production of petrol,
however
, in my perspective, there are more disadvantages than advantages provoked
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
such
 activities.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider reorganizing your essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Use more varied and nuanced vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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