With the increasing demand for energy oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

#demand #energy #oil #gas #people #sources #places #areas

Due to

the incremental demand for natural resources, some people believe it is crucial to explore the region for mining in remote areas,

however

, I personally believe there are more drawbacks than merits derived from

such

trends on both environment

as well as

human societies. First of all, searching

fossil

Change preposition

for fossil

show examples

fuel in remote areas could prompt various negative effects

Change preposition

show examples

environment

Add an article

the environment

show examples

, including water pollution and air pollution,

not

Correct pronoun usage

which not

show examples

only could provoke

extinction

Correct article usage

the extinction

show examples

of local species, reducing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

biological diversity, but

also

deteriorate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global warming

due to

the emission of toxic gas.

Secondly

, a stable supply of traditional energies,

such

as petrol and gas could deter the

comendary

Correct your spelling

commentary

of using

sustanible

Correct your spelling

sustainable

energy since

such

energies have more restrictions and higher costs. Take solar power as an example, it requires

certain

Correct article usage

a certain

show examples

space to install

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

moreover

, the

repairing

Replace the word

repair

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fee is

also

expensive, which could reduce the interest of consumers in using clean energy.

On the other hand

, the proponents

arguing

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

that it is important to

enaure

Correct your spelling

ensure

a sufficient supply of fossil oil since the majority of human activities

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

depand

Correct your spelling

depend

on it, including transportation, manufacturing, and

Add an article

the health-care

show examples

health-care

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healthcare

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system.

However

instead

of developing

Correct article usage

the minding

show examples

minding

Correct your spelling

mining

show examples

industry, it is better to find alternative energy which is more

sustanibility

Correct your spelling

sustainability

and

cuase

Correct your spelling

causes

less

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fewer

show examples

downsides to the environment. To summarise, it is inevitable that exploring remote areas for fossil fuel could increase the production of petrol,

however

, in my perspective, there are more disadvantages than advantages provoked

from

Change preposition

show examples

such

activities.

Submitted by unapoya0916 on Thu Oct 05 2023

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coherence cohesion

Consider reorganizing your essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.

lexical resource

Use more varied and nuanced vocabulary.

grammatical range accuracy

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

243 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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With the increasing demand for energy oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that it's easier for adults to learn skills (Ex: Computer skills) by themselves. Others think they need the help of a teacher in a classroom. Discuss both views and give your opinion as well.

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue tht it is better to try and improve such situations Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems.Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?