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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

6.The charts below give information about the number of train passengers and the percentage of trains running on time from 2000 to 2009 in Japan. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

6.The charts below give information about the number of train passengers and the percentage of trains running on time from 2000 to 2009 in Japan. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The line charts below display the number of people who travelled by train in Japan and the on-time
Use synonyms
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
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 rate between 2000 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, both the number of passengers and the percentage of on-time
trains
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 fluctuated significantly over the
years
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. The
period
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 started with 36
million
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 travellers, in the next year it rose slightly to just over 40
million
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,
then
Linking Words
 it grew gradually to around 41
million
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 before suddenly reducing back to 36
million
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 in 2003. During the next
two
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Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
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 the number of passengers increased sharply to above 45
million
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, afterwards it experienced a gradual fall between 2005 and 2008,
Linking Words
finally
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finally,
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 it
end
Wrong verb form
ended
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 the
period
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 with more or less 41
million
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of
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apply
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people travelling by train in Japan. The percentage of
trains
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 that were
on-time
Correct your spelling
on time
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 changed frequently, which target for
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the
period
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 was 95%. At the beginning of the
period
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, there was a rate of 92%, during the next
two
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years
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 it grew dramatically, reaching the target in 2002.
Afterwards
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Afterwards,
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 the
trains
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 running on time exceeded the expectation, with rocketing to 96% in 2004. It failed to meet the target
at
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of
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 92% after
two
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years
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, the percentage of on-time
trains
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 recovered between 2007 and 2008, during the
last
Linking Words
two
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years
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 of the
period
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 it
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
remains
 stable at 97%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trains, years, period, million, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of train passengers
  • percentage of trains running on time
  • increased steadily
  • approximately
  • rose to
  • fluctuated
  • dropped to
  • gradual improvement
  • reaching
  • train punctuality
  • significant growth
  • train usage
  • decline in the growth rate
  • recorded
  • initial level
  • conclusion
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