IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
What is the biggest concern when people make decisions regarding their professional lives? Many believe that the money paid should be ranked top on their list of reasons to accept a
job
Use synonyms
. But I think it’s not fair to downplay the role of other equally
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if not more, crucial factors. It is certainly true that a tempting
job
Use synonyms
salary
Use synonyms
 is what most people long for regardless of their nation, gender and occupation. No one could deny the significance of money in the modern world we are living in. Being the main source of income,
salary
Use synonyms
 serves to cover living
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
, personal consumption, medical
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and so on.
In other words
Linking Words
,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 means
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality of life.
Besides
Linking Words
,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 wage brings stronger motivation for
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 and improves work performance, which is more likely to create a virtuous cycle between our career and wage.
However
Linking Words
, money is only one of many which have to be taken into consideration in terms of
job
Use synonyms
 seeking. The match between your talents and the
job
Use synonyms
 responsibilities,
for example
Linking Words
, is a good case in point. To some degree, it is even more important than the
salary
Use synonyms
 earned in that it significantly
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 an individual’s self-efficacy, competence and whether
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 is sustainable for him or her. In the long term, a good match is often key to the development of one’s professional abilities and disciplinary barriers, which would always lead to higher income eventually.
Although
Linking Words
 there are quite a few other factors
such
Linking Words
 as the industry itself, workload, corporate culture, coworkers,etc.,I reckon that the match between one’s talents and his occupation comes first. We all deserve a successful career where we can do what we are adept at and reach our full potential.
Submitted by 1149274467 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Include specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
What to do next:
Look at other essays: