IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Recent years have seen an increase in the need for high incomes for contemporary survival. Some people feel that big pay is more essential than
work
 fulfilment.
However
, I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 strategy, and my preference will be detailed in
further
 explanation below.
To begin
 with, a big salary not only gives a lavish lifestyle but
also
 gives financial stability.
In addition
, since savings
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 financial assistance after retirement, they have grown increasingly important.
Moreover
, big salaries offer lots of other employee
benefits
 as well. To cite an example,
according to
 the survey, worldwide companies give twice-yearly overseas excursions to their staff;
while
, low-paying professions do not provide
this
 perk.
Hence
, high wages give financial security and
travelling
Change the form of the verb
travel
show examples
benefits
 as well.
Furthermore
, larger earnings incentivize people to
work
 harder. Despite the fact that large wages need more effort, they remain motivating since they provide more
benefits
 and cash;
as a result
, workers are satisfied and enthusiastic about their
work
.
For example
, a hypothesis about the business sector proved that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high compensation constantly motivates people to
work
 more;
as a consequence
, they always contribute more to their job and expect an increase.
Thus
, staff will
work
 more efficiently and enjoy their income with
provided
Correct article usage
the provided
show examples
benefits
.
To conclude
, having a job that you like might be a source of tranquillity, but earning more money is far more important if you want to ensure that your future will be secure financially.
In addition
 to
this
, it maintains employees' motivation to
work
 more and improve their career prospects
Submitted by dipanjohnsarker1999 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your supporting points are clearly linked to your main argument.
task achievement
Consider adding a counterargument and refutation to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your position.
grammatical range accuracy
Review your grammar and sentence structure for clarity and accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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