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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant
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The given table represents information about six different towns with
Use synonyms
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of visitors and where
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 opened between 1863 and 2001 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, in half of
places
Correct article usage
the places
show examples
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 quite good ,
however
Linking Words
 in other the number did not exceed 150
million
Use synonyms
. It can be clearly seen that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
megapolis London which opened in 1863 had the highest
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Use synonyms
, it is 394 with 774
million
Use synonyms
passengers
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
metropolis
Correct article usage
the metropolis
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 Kyoto which realised in 1981 had the lowest
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Use synonyms
,
furthermore
Linking Words
 the minimum
quantity
Use synonyms
 of humans, which was 45
million
Use synonyms
. It could
be notice
Change the verb form
be noticed
show examples
 that
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 cities Kyoto and Los Angeles in
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
route
Add an article
the route
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 did not reach 30 in each other,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 both in sum did not exceed in numbers of
passengers
Use synonyms
 100
million
Use synonyms
.
The
Change preposition
In the
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 year 1900 Paris and 1927 Tokyo
also
Linking Words
 saw that both cities had
biggest
Change the article
the biggest
show examples
quantity
Use synonyms
 of people in sum
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just over 3000
million
Use synonyms
 people. It is interesting to note that Washington DC which
realised
Add a missing verb
was realised
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 in 1976 year had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 medium
quantity
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 and
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Use synonyms
, which was 126 km and 144
million
Use synonyms
 humanity.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words quantity, passengers, million, kilometres, route with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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