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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The three pie charts show the proportion of four kinds of vehicles used in the UK in 1996, 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the man features and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts show the proportion of four kinds of vehicles used in the UK in 1996, 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the man features and make comparisons where relevant.
#three #show #proportion #four #kinds #vehicles #uk #summarise #information #man #features #comparisons
The diagram
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the proportion of vehicled uses in the UK vary from 3 different kinds during some period of time (1985, 1996 and 2005).
Overall
, private car is the most prominent
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
show examples
 and keep
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 along the
periode
Correct your spelling
period
while
 the
number
 of recreational
transport
 share the least.
According to
 the data, about 40% of UK citizen in 1965 was using private cars
while
 public
transport
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others kind
Fix the agreement mistake
other kinds
show examples
 of
transport
 were used by 25% and 20% respectively.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 only 15% of the citizen used recreational vehicles and after 20 years the
number
 plummeted to 5%. The
private
Correct quantifier usage
number of private
show examples
 cars users kept increased to 60%
at the end
 of
Correct article usage
the periode
show examples
periode
Correct your spelling
period
, in
contras
Correct your spelling
contrast
show examples
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of
transport
 shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
number
 from the previous
periode
Correct your spelling
period
. In 2005,
Recreatinal
Correct your spelling
Recreational
vehincle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
vehicles
 and other
transport
 almost share
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
number
, which is recreational vehicle
bounce
Wrong verb form
bounced
show examples
 back higher from 5% to 8%.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, other
transport
 just counted by 10%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, transport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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