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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
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The bar graph illustrates the amount of physical activities done by Australian
mens
Correct your spelling
men
men's
 and women in percentage by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 throughout 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 between 15 and 24
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 the most exercise, but the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35 to 44
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 the least exercise,
while
Linking Words
 about half of the women in every
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 physical activities. First of all, 52.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of students in high school and university have done physical activity.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the exercise of
gentleman
Fix the agreement mistake
gentlemen
show examples
 started to slightly drop to about 40 out of 100 by the next 20 years of
age
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and constantly gained the rate back up by 3, 2, and 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for every 10 years passed respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, about 1 out of 2 females
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 their physical activity
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
, which have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 53.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 to 53
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and the lowest rate as they reach the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 years old.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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