IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.

#people #money #bank #savings #scheme #debate
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Nowadays, people have to confront fructuated economy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world. To secure our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the unstable future, we have to save our
money
 more than
the
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in the
show examples
 past. Normally, saving
money
 with the bank is the most popular
way
.
However
,
the other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 phenomenon occurs, especially,
in
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age, they tend to spread the billnotes to buy whatever they want. In my opinion, I still believe that saving
money
 to prepare myself to be ready for the uncertain future properly is the better
way
, and I am going to
explain
Add the preposition
explain to
show examples
 you what the reasons are.
Firstly
, everyone knows that saving some part of your income for the future is the must-to-do
way
 to be
stabled
Replace the word
stable
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. The easiest
way
 is saving in the bank
accounts
Fix the agreement mistake
account
show examples
, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still the effective
way
 for now. Because the banks have a security system to protect our assets in the safest place.
In
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At
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 the same time, we are going to
received
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receive
show examples
 the
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
for
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of
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 allowing them to withhold our
money
. By the
way
, Because of
Correct article usage
the difficuties
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difficuties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
to be
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of being
show examples
 wealthy in
this
 current economic situation, some people are hopeless about trying to be
wealth
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wealthy
show examples
. The result is a new
trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
trend
show examples
 of spending
money
 is
spring
Wrong verb form
springing
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 up, which is YOLO. YOLO is from "You only live once", which is a trend that
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that we should spend
money
 to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happiness as much as possible because we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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all stay
in
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on
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this
 earth only once. Personally, I disagree with
this
 trend
due to
 it is too risky
life
Correct article usage
a life
show examples
, even if you may have a short-time happiness by
follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
this
 trend.
To conclude
, in my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, I personally believe that saving some part of our
money
with
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in
show examples
 the proper proportion is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 good
way
for having
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to have
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security
Add an article
the security
show examples
of
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in
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life
.
On the other hand
, spending
money
 for some rewards of
life
 properly is
also
Correct article usage
a neccessary
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neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 thing. By the
way
, we should not save or invest all of our assets in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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only one place.
Consequently
, another recommendation is learning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative ways of investment to get more
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 and reduce risk,
for example
, learn to invest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stock
Fix the agreement mistake
stocks
show examples
, cryptocurrency, and real estate, It
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on what are your interests and specialization.
Submitted by tah.siwakorn on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • accumulate
  • stimulate demand
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • financial balance
  • budgeting
  • expenditures
  • personal goals
What to do next:
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