IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have recently seen an advertisement in a local newspaper for a part-time job at a pharmacy. Write a letter to the hiring manager to apply for the position. In your letter: Introduce yourself and explain why you are writing. Describe your qualifications and experience relevant to the job. Request further details about the job and the application process.

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Dear Sir, Recently, I had seen the advertisement for a part-time career as a co-manager at a pharmacy in Wales. Since I would like to reduce my current full-time workload to 80%, I would like to apply for
this
Linking Words
 position. My name is Paul Smith. I grew up in Lucerne and still live there.
Also
Linking Words
, I am married to Jenna Smith , and we have two little girls. Not only does a family lead to a happy life, but it
also
Linking Words
 creates responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 is the main issue why I would like to spend one day per week at home.
Although
Linking Words
 I had some other experiences as I worked at the emergency department in the Youth Hospital, I did my apprenticeship at the local city pharmacy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I studied medicine at the Harwest University for 6 years.
In addition
Linking Words
, I did a leadership training, which was mandatory for my current position. At the moment, I work as a medical manager for an insurance company.
Overall
Linking Words
, I believe that my skills fit
this
Linking Words
 post. I would be thankful
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if you could give me some
further
Linking Words
 details about the operation and the application process for it. Yours faithfully, Paul

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task response
You answer all three parts, but some details are not needed. Talk more about why you want this job and what you can do at the pharmacy. Ask for the hours, pay, and how to apply.
task response
Use the right job name from the ad. “Part-time career” is not natural; say “part-time job”. Also, be sure that “co-manager” is the job in the ad.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has clear parts, but the family paragraph is too long and not closely linked to the job. Keep it short and move from your reason for applying to your work skills.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used well, but “Also”, “Furthermore”, and “In addition” are used too much. Use simple, clear links such as “I also have”, “After that”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Start with “Dear Hiring Manager,” if you do not know the name. End with “Yours faithfully,” and then write your full name: “Paul Smith”.
task response
You clearly say that you are applying for the job and give a reason for wanting part-time work.
task response
You give useful work and study details, such as pharmacy training, medical study, and manager work.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, a skills paragraph, and a final request for more information.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are polite and fit a formal letter.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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