IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The pie charts introduce the proportion of online shopping sales in Canada in 2005 and 2010 for retail sectors.

#proportion #sales #canada #sectors
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The pie charts introduce the proportion of online shopping sales in Canada in 2005 and 2010 for retail sectors. As can be seen from the pie charts online shopping sales have three categories.
For example
Linking Words
, electronics and
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
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,food and beverage, home furnishings and video games
separated
Add a missing verb
are separated
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 by different colours. Now turning to the details of
2005
Change the article
the 2005
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 year’s sales. It is crystal clear that electronics and appliance
is
Change the verb form
are
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 leading with 35 per
cent
Use synonyms
 than in
2010
Change the article
the 2010
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 year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
twenty five
Add a hyphen
twenty-five
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 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of home furnishings,
whereas
Linking Words
 the average for in 2010 year in
this
Linking Words
 category is a small minority.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the percentages
show examples
Correct article usage
the percentages
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percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
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 of video games are
Correct article usage
a little
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little
Correct article usage
a little
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less
Correct word choice
lower
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.
Wee
Correct your spelling
We
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 see from
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
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than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 in 2010, food and beverage is thirty per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is significantly more in 2005. Video games were a mere 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
, but by 2010
this
Linking Words
 figure had grown to almost
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter
show examples
. In general, the online transactions did progress in terms of only five years in different parts
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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