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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #businesses #e-commerce #purchases #industry #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given chart
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the rate of five types of
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 making
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 (manufacturing, construction, wholesale, retail and
information
Use synonyms
 &
Use synonyms
communication
Correct word choice
and communication
show examples
 in Canada
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2015 to 2019. All items calculated
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 and
communication
Use synonyms
 was highly
domination
Replace the word
dominant
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 in five
years
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
proportion
Use synonyms
 was in 2015 for all items. In the first
years
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, the
proportion
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 construction, manufacturing and retail
only
Add a missing verb
was only
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 no more than 35% compared to wholesale and
information
Use synonyms
 or
communication
Use synonyms
 (more than 40%). In the
years
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2016 and
2017
Add a comma
2017,
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 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 was similar in 4 items and only in manufacturing it
looked
Wrong verb form
look
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 different, there was a 5% gap between
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
years
Use synonyms
. In 2018 and 2019 was the most
domination
Replace the word
dominant
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proportion
Use synonyms
 for all categories compared to other
years
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.
In
Change preposition
This
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this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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 the higher was in
information
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 and
communication
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 (more than 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
) and the lower was in construction (no more than 55
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
)
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words information, communication, proportion, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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