IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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I do believe the saying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
“Everyone will eventually have their own path and timing”.
This
Linking Words
 applies to
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who have different interests and choices after they leave
college
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 supported by the fact that not all of the
UK
Use synonyms
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 go into full-time
work
Use synonyms
 after leaving
college
Use synonyms
. The charts in 2008 show that most of the
UK
Use synonyms
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 go into
further
Linking Words
 study after they leave
college
Use synonyms
. They continue to pursue education either outside the country or inside. There are
also
Linking Words
 many possible reasons why most of them choose to study
furtherly
Rephrase
further
show examples
,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 to explore the field they’re passionate about and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 more knowledge in the field of what they are really interested in. The second choice of destination for both
UK
Use synonyms
 graduates and postgraduates is part-time
work
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. After completing
college
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 which mainly taught theoretical knowledge, graduates and postgraduates are often looking for real-life working experience, and one of the common ways is through part-time
work
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. As for the third choice, some of the
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 are still unemployed.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the least destination of
UK
Use synonyms
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 is voluntary
work
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. The main possible reason why could be because it’s an unpaid job, meanwhile
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the age of wanting to get an incentive after they complete their studies.
Submitted by rizalestari on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, college, uk, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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