IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people support the idea of imposing taxes of fossil fuels (oil, coal and gas) in order to reduce energy consumption, other disagree with this point Consider the debate and its arguments and came to your own conclusions.

#people #support #idea #taxes #fuels #oil #gas #energy #consumption #point #debate #arguments #conclusions
Fossil
fuels
 are
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part of life, utilization of
energy
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased
therefore
 some individuals think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should levy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energy
,
such
 as oil, coal
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 gas
as a result
 dwindle of
consumption
. I will judge now and I provide my own conclusion. Arguably, there could be reasons why
rocketing
Add an article
the rocketing
show examples
 price of
energy
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to lower
consumption
 and lower emissions. They point to evidence from eclectic
countries
,
for instance
, Sweden, where
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
appear
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
 case after that all population of
this
 country are adjusted to
this
 circumstance.
Moreover
, if the
state
Add a verb
state is
state was
show examples
 able to legislate fuel taxation for inhabitants, people try to use renewable
energy
such
 as solar power or localized biofuel reactors. To the
supports
Replace the word
supporters
show examples
 of
this
 idea, these benefits are convincing. Notwithstanding
shortage
Correct article usage
the shortage
show examples
 of population in some
countries
, they have to load some charge to people for
consumption
energy
 because First world
countries
 suffer from the lack of
energy
, by which I mean that developed
countries
 have got
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 purchase
fuels
 via that kind of country. As
evidence
Add a comma
evidence,
show examples
 China
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 a large proportion of
energy
. Foremost among other
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 appear to be more
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 of the world condition.
Initially
, opponents of fuel tax are able to cite evidence from other
countries
 (subsuming France and
German
Replace the word
Germany
show examples
) where higher
charge
Fix the agreement mistake
charges
show examples
 apparently not
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumption
. In these
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, more and more people exploit
fuels
 in spite of increasing
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Furthermore
, if the state
control
Correct subject-verb agreement
controls
show examples
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 of
fuels
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can cease
waste
Correct article usage
the waste
show examples
 of
energy
.
For example
, the USA consistently manage inhabitant of
consumption
,
this
 way is
efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
show examples
 not only
The
Change preposition
for The
show examples
 USA but
also
 for the world. In a nutshell, I would tend to side with the opponents of fuel taxation. It seems to be unreasonable to force vulnerable consumers to pay more for a commodity which is essential to them, without a real infrastructure for renewable
energy
 being in place.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Develop your ideas with more specific and relevant examples.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on your grammar accuracy to avoid errors.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: