IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts below
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 information about the fraction of men and
women
 in
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 in Canada, south
korea
Change the capitalization
Korea
show examples
 and
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
 in 2005 and 2015.
According to
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 provided, we can see that the number of male
workers
 are higher than
women
 in 2005 and 2015.
However
,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 employment in 2005
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 very low.
In contrast
, in 2015 the
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
rises
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 way
heigher
Correct your spelling
higher
 particularly in Canada. If we look closely, we notice that in 2005
Canada
Change noun form
Canada's
show examples
women
workers
 were 40% and in 2015 it
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 50%.
Similarly
, Male
workers
 were 60% in 2005 and the fraction slightly rises to 70%.
In contrast
, in
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
 male
workers
 were 80% in 2005 and it
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 70% in 2015.
While
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
women
workers
 were almost 45% in 2005 and it
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 almost to 50% in 2015. Meanwhile, South
korea
Change the capitalization
Korea
show examples
 rate of
employmnet
Correct your spelling
employment
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 almost the same in both years. To summarize, the bar chart clearly
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
women
 in different countries employment are less than men.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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