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Band 5

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

#people #cities #face #life #governments #move #towns
There can be little doubt that
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 quality of those who live in urban areas is significantly worsening.
This
 problem is attributable to
air
 pollution and limited living spaces but cannot be alleviated effectively by persuading citizens to migrate to the countryside in the writer's view. As living in a metropolis, dwellers have to face
with
Change preposition
apply
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traffic congestion in rush hour, which is the major contributor to the increase in exhausted fumes in
air
 components.
This
 minor situation stems from the waves of immigration to the urban areas, where
people
 are more likely to get high-paying jobs and a better
life
.
However
, because of
this
 tendency, respiratory diseases can be ascribed to the great demand for fossil fuel-consuming vehicles, which have a detrimental effect on the residents' health. Unaffordable housing is another factor that adversely affects the
life
 quality of
people
 living in residential areas.
This
 challenge is
due to
 poor urban planning from developers and urban planners, who want to profit by selling estates to big companies
instead
 of constructing low-priced flats for under-average citizens.
This
 reality burdens those who need to hold down two or more jobs to meet the housing expenses and forces
people
 experiencing poverty to live in a slum,
then
 results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dissatisfaction
of
Change preposition
among
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 these
people
 who have stress-related
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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 and unsanitary lives. An incentive scheme
such
 as encouraging the citizens to relocate to the countryside may be a valid point
due to
 a short-term advantage in reducing overpopulation and housing prices.
However
, the remaining problems,
such
 as
air
 pollution, cannot be thoroughly ameliorated because of the rise of commuters who need to travel to their workplace located in cities.
In other words
, more fossil fuels will be consumed to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the demand of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 a far distance, which is conducive to an increase in the amount of exhausted emissions. Perhaps an amelioration to the problem of land scarcity is a scheme from the developers to build up a house from a container. In more detail, these metal containers from a cargo ship can be reused as an alternative for multi-story buildings thanks to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 affordable prices and benefits to the environment. Take container dormitories in British as a prime example; these places, with the effective combination of recycled furniture and smart
planning
Add the comma(s)
planning,
show examples
 can be an optimal way for pupils to reduce
cost
Add an article
the cost
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 of living
while
 leading a great
life
.
Thus
, unsatisfactory
life
 arises from poor
air
 quality and scarce living space.
Therefore
, it should have been mitigated by implementing a plan to create more places to live in a container.

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay into paragraphs for better coherence and readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's position.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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