21.The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#bar #percentages #three #groups #japanese #children #part #four #kinds #activities #information #features #comparisons

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The bar graph displays the different age ranges of Japanese children

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

ride

Wrong verb form

rode

show examples

bike

Fix the agreement mistake

bikes

show examples

play

Wrong verb form

played

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

, read and

watch

Wrong verb form

watched

show examples

Use synonyms

in 2018.

Overall

Linking Words

, watching

Use synonyms

had a greater proportion than any other activity, followed by reading and riding

bike

Add an article

a bike

show examples

while

Linking Words

playing

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

had the lowest percentage.

Kids

Change preposition

For kids

show examples

from 5 to 8 years old, the activity that they did the most was watching

Use synonyms

, with a proportion of 92%,

while

Linking Words

the rest of the activities have a similar percentage; reading with approximately 63%, riding bikes with just 1% less than reading and three-fifth of children play

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

Children

Change preposition

For children

show examples

in the age range of 9 to 11, the activity that they liked the most was watching

Use synonyms

, with a portion of

four-fifth

Fix the agreement mistake

four-fifths

show examples

, followed by reading with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

70% and

then

Linking Words

riding

bike

Add an article

a bike

show examples

with just above 60%,

lastly

Linking Words

are

the

Correct article usage

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

with nearly 58%.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a little above 80% of people from 12 to 16 rode bikes, 80% watched television and

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

10%

less

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

reads

Correct subject-verb agreement

read

show examples

Finally

Linking Words

, only

two-fifth

Correct your spelling

two-fifths

show examples

of individuals from 12 to 16 played

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sun Oct 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games, tv with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

178 words

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21.The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?