21.The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#bar #percentages #three #groups #japanese #children #part #four #kinds #activities #information #features #comparisons

The bar graph displays the different age ranges of Japanese children

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

ride

Wrong verb form

rode

show examples

bike

Fix the agreement mistake

bikes

show examples

play

Wrong verb form

played

show examples

computer

games

, read and

watch

Wrong verb form

watched

show examples

in 2018.

Overall

, watching

had a greater proportion than any other activity, followed by reading and riding

bike

Add an article

a bike

show examples

while

playing

computer

games

had the lowest percentage.

Kids

Change preposition

For kids

show examples

from 5 to 8 years old, the activity that they did the most was watching

, with a proportion of 92%,

while

the rest of the activities have a similar percentage; reading with approximately 63%, riding bikes with just 1% less than reading and three-fifth of children play

computer

games

Children

Change preposition

For children

show examples

in the age range of 9 to 11, the activity that they liked the most was watching

, with a portion of

four-fifth

Fix the agreement mistake

four-fifths

show examples

, followed by reading with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

70% and

then

riding

bike

Add an article

a bike

show examples

with just above 60%,

lastly

are

the

Correct article usage

show examples

computer

games

with nearly 58%.

Furthermore

, a little above 80% of people from 12 to 16 rode bikes, 80% watched television and

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

10%

less

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

reads

Correct subject-verb agreement

read

show examples

Finally

, only

two-fifth

Correct your spelling

two-fifths

show examples

of individuals from 12 to 16 played

computer

games

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sun Oct 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games, tv with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

178 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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21.The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

An old friend of yours is coming to visit your city. You had planned to meet him at the airport, but something has come up and you will not be able to make it there on time. Write to your friend, In your letter Explain the situation Offer to make alternative arrangements.

Some people say that arts subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Considering that adualts spend much of their lives at work, having job satisfaction is extremely important. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all employees?