IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Australian household energy use water heating 30% heating 42% cooling 2% refrigeration 7% - other appliances 15% lighting 4% Australian household greenhouse gas emissions heating 15% cooling 3% lighting 8% water heating 32% refrigeration 14% other appliances 28%

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Australian household energy use water heating 30% heating 42% cooling 2% refrigeration 7% - other appliances 15% lighting 4% Australian household greenhouse gas emissions heating 15% cooling 3% lighting 8% water heating 32% refrigeration 14% other appliances 28%
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons #water #refrigeration #appliances
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The given images depict the pie charts representing the trend in the occurrence of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage and emissions of greenhouse gases in households in Australia.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are six varieties of
Use synonyms
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 used for
energy
Use synonyms
 by
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
.Heating is the major source of
energy
Use synonyms
 and
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
show examples
process
Use synonyms
consumed
Wrong verb form
consumes
show examples
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 in households.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 is used for water heating
while
Linking Words
 other appliances are consumed equally half percentage for
this
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, higher
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of CO2 emissions happen in
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 heating
process
Use synonyms
, and other appliances
also
Linking Words
 at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 percentage in household work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, heating and refrigeration processes are emitted at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 percentage of greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
. Typically , Australian people
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 more
energy
Use synonyms
 for
heating
Correct article usage
the heating
show examples
process
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 amount of gases
emitted
Add a missing verb
are emitted
show examples
 from
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
cooling
Add an article
the cooling
show examples
process
Use synonyms
 consumed
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is released lower unnecessary
gas
Use synonyms
 at 3%.Remarkably, lighting
is
Verb problem
emits
show examples
 emitted double amount of
gas
Use synonyms
 than the usage of
energy
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
heating
Correct article usage
the heating
show examples
process
Use synonyms
 is the safest one rather than consumers
due to
Linking Words
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 emission from
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 rather than
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
.
Submitted by krishmahendran19 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, process, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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