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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #levels #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the various types of educational qualification in Australia in 1999 broken down by gender.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there was a great disparity in education between men and female. What is striking the most
looking
Rephrase
when looking
show examples
 at the data is the fact that the majority of higher academic qualifications were reached by
males
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 70 % and 55 % of women held an undergraduate
diploma
Use synonyms
 and bachelor's degree, Postgraduate
diploma
Use synonyms
 and Master's degree were only finished by 30 % and 40 %, respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
 earned higher academic
certificaticates
Correct your spelling
certificate cates
 more often, the majority of skilled vocational
diploma
Use synonyms
 holders,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 which is the lowest certificate,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
also
Linking Words
 represented by men. Interestingly, 90 % finished school with
this
Linking Words
 type which is in stark contrast
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the predominance in the higher educational segment looking at 70 % of postgraduate
Use synonyms
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 and 60 % Master's
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 which were
hold
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
 by them. In
conlucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
 the majority of skilled
vocation
Replace the word
vocational
show examples
diploma
Use synonyms
 holders were
males
Use synonyms
, it cannot be overstated that
males
Use synonyms
 experienced a
further
Linking Words
 in-depth education compared to females in 1999.
Submitted by nina-zimmer on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, diploma with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • post-school qualifications
  • gender disparity
  • representation
  • overshadow
  • notable
  • predominantly
  • overall trend
  • significant
  • minimal gap
  • participation
  • comparison
  • qualification levels
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