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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Average percentages of sodium, saturated fats and added sugars in typical meals consumed in the USA

#percentages #sodium #fats #sugars #meals #usa
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The given three pie charts illustrate information about the rate of foods that contain
sodium
, saturated fat and added sugar, which are not healthy when consumed a lot by the USA's population.
Overall
, at dinner
sodium
 and saturated fat are eaten too much, whilst at breakfast all these nutrients are consumed less. It is clear that first at breakfast
sodium
, saturated fat and added sugar consumed the least 14%,16% and,16% respectively.
while
 the
second,
lunch contains 29 percentages of
sodium
, 37 per cent of saturated fat and only 19 proportions of added sugar.
third,
dinner has a lot of amount of
sodium
(43%) and saturated fat (37%), and
also
 23% of added carbohydrates.
Lastly
, added carbohydrate is contained the most in snacks which is under half.
Moreover
, saturated fat is just under 20% and
sodium
 is less than a quarter.
Submitted by mhmdkhlwd98 on

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task achievement
Be more specific in describing the percentages in the pie charts. Instead of saying 'at dinner', mention the exact percentage.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of your writing by using more cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more varied and precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to ensure accuracy.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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