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Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations.

#people #work #organization #life #organizations
Nowadays pace of
live
Replace the word
life
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 is
extremely
Rephrase
apply
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speeding up and in our modern community it is invented a lot of things
to
Add a missing verb
have to
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 help us complete tasks faster,
such
 as convenience foods. People’s fridges are filled with semi-finished products
such
 as meat, vegetables, fruit,
baked
Correct word choice
and baked
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 goods.
Although
such
 type of good simplifies life, it can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 our health. Time is running and everything in different spheres and structures is changing too.
Education
Correct article usage
The education
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 system undergoes
to
Change preposition
apply
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modernization, as students are being tested by exams,
instead
 of continual assessment. Despite the fact that it can be more convenient and easier, they can lose touch with permanent studying between exams. Space is
enormous
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an enormous
the enormous
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 system in the universe and exploration of it gives us plenty of significant scientific information about the world. A lot of government funds are allocated to space-related
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
Although
 it helps to develop many innovations, finances could not be enough to problems regarding our planet. Old people need treatment, care and support, but relatives are not always able to ensure it
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them. It
is observes
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is observed
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 very common trend when families put their elders in nursing homes.
Although
 it shows some kind of lack of humanity to the close people, sometimes they just can not afford appropriate care. Currently,
due to
fast
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the fast
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 pace of life changes are occurring. Many people are convinced that permanent changes are necessary and more
favorable
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favourable
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 rather than being in the same position and comfort zone.
Although
 different modifications give new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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, it could take too long to
adaptation
Replace the word
adapt
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 and just waste people’s time
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and impactful.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range by using more diverse and precise words.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
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