IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations.

#people #work #organization #life #organizations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays pace of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 is
extremely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
speeding up and in our modern community it is invented a lot of things
to
Add a missing verb
have to
show examples
 help us complete tasks faster,
such
Linking Words
 as convenience foods. People’s fridges are filled with semi-finished products
such
Linking Words
 as meat, vegetables, fruit,
baked
Correct word choice
and baked
show examples
 goods.
Although
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 type of good simplifies life, it can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our health. Time is running and everything in different spheres and structures is changing too.
Education
Correct article usage
The education
show examples
 system undergoes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
modernization, as students are being tested by exams,
instead
Linking Words
 of continual assessment. Despite the fact that it can be more convenient and easier, they can lose touch with permanent studying between exams. Space is
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
show examples
 system in the universe and exploration of it gives us plenty of significant scientific information about the world. A lot of government funds are allocated to space-related
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 it helps to develop many innovations, finances could not be enough to problems regarding our planet. Old people need treatment, care and support, but relatives are not always able to ensure it
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them. It
is observes
Change the verb form
is observed
show examples
 very common trend when families put their elders in nursing homes.
Although
Linking Words
 it shows some kind of lack of humanity to the close people, sometimes they just can not afford appropriate care. Currently,
due to
Linking Words
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
 pace of life changes are occurring. Many people are convinced that permanent changes are necessary and more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 rather than being in the same position and comfort zone.
Although
Linking Words
 different modifications give new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
, it could take too long to
adaptation
Replace the word
adapt
show examples
 and just waste people’s time
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and impactful.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range by using more diverse and precise words.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
What to do next:
Look at other essays: