IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with family, friends,and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree ordisagree with this

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Introduction
Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 play a vital role
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
 nation's development
therefore
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parents
Use synonyms
 need to give more freedom as compared to the past. I ponder that, it is affirmative development and my justification will come in
further
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 paragraphs
along with
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 some relative examples.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, there are several positive things to give
freem
Correct your spelling
free
chindren
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children
.
Firslty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, they can easily learn new things very easily and with proper knowledge and guidance they become a good citizen.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is not
beneficial
Rephrase
only beneficial
show examples
 for their
parents
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 for the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy will
boost
Wrong verb form
be boosted
show examples
 very easily.
Thirldy
Correct your spelling
Thirdly
,
children
Use synonyms
 can achieve any goal they want to achieve in their lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, the majority of
children
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 want to become
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 person but
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
parents
Use synonyms
are not allow
Change the verb form
are not allowed
are not allowing
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 they do not
beocme
Correct your spelling
become
 a sport person.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 find some kind of extra
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and become
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 show more
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
while
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 doing something new.
Additonally
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Additionally
, they can easily fulfil their family
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
ean
Correct your spelling
and
 lots of money
form
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from
show examples
 their passion.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, if
children
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 get more freedom
then
Linking Words
 they miss use of
this
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 opportunity. They do not focus their study on their school time and easily disattracte and do other
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
such
Linking Words
 as
start
Verb problem
apply
show examples
drinking and smoking which can be not good for their future.
In addition
Linking Words
, they do not like to listen
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 or
teacher
Change noun form
teacher's
show examples
 and waste
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their money and time.
Conclusion
To give an overview, it is true that,
children
Use synonyms
 need to require more freedom as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 become at that time they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 easily learn some new
acitivites
Correct your spelling
activities
, do other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and many more.
Nevertheless
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
 should keep
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 eye
that
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what they do in their lives.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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