The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
The pie charts provide information about the data, which is collected by children's
activities
. The first graph gives information about educational and ordinary
activities
, which are taken
a
Correct your spelling
apart
show examples
part
by
boys
.
On the other hand
, the other graph illustrates the
activities
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
taken by
girls
.
Overall
, it can be seen that
boys
take
Verb problem
play
show examples
a significant
part
in basketball and computer games,
while
girls
prefer to spend their
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading and dancing.
Also
, it's important to mention that
"Reading"
Correct article usage
the "Reading"
show examples
activity
is the most unpopular among the audience, which includes
boys
,
while
the most underrated
activity
among
girls
is "Listening to Music".
Boys
audience take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part
in different
activities
.
However
, they prefer to spend
their
Change the word
a
show examples
significant
part
of
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
playing basketball (26%) and computer games (34%). The "Soccer"
activity
is more unpopular compared to
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
categories of
activities
(It takes 17% of all
time
).
Boys
pay as
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
and skateboarding as soccer, at 10%, 11% and 17% respectively. The most underrated category is "Reading". The audience
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
only 2% of their
time
on
this
activity
.
On the other hand
, it's noticeable that the most popular
activity
among
girls
is "Reading" and "Dancing" (they spend 21% and 27% of their free
time
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
these
activities
). In second place are "Netball" and "Computer games" (15% and 16% of general
time
). The most underrated
activities
are "Gymnastics" and "Listening to music" (the group of people spend only 11% and 10% of their
time
).
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, part, boys, girls, time, activity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • participate
  • percentage
  • gender difference
  • similar participation rates
  • traditional gender roles
  • trends
  • impact
  • parental influence
  • extracurricular activities
  • accessible
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