Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Nowdays
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Nowadays
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many
people
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believe that the
violence
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in
computer
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games
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and on the
television
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has a detrimental effect on
society
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. Some contend that those factors have no significant impact on
people
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’s behaviour. In my opinion, I strongly believe that there is no reason to say
positive
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the positive
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effect of the
violence
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in
computer
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games
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and on
television
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related to
society
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or
people
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’s behaviour. On one hand,
people
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who watch the
violence
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in
computer
Use synonyms
games
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can be led into isolation from the
society
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.
People
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might be addicted
by
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to
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a
game
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when they keep their attention on the screen. Even though there is the
violence
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in the
computer
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games
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, many
people
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might ignore it. It is because the
game
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has
interesting
Add an article
an interesting
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mode which can lead to addiction to the users. An addiction of
this
Linking Words
kind is not healthy and sometimes can lead to isolation.
For example
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, when
people
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start to try a
game
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in
Change preposition
on
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the
computer
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they might want to try again and again because they have a curiosity in it. They want to finish the challenge in the
game
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so that
this
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condition can make them far away from
society
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. In conclusion, even though many
people
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think that the
violence
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of
the
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apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
and
on
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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is not affect
Change the verb form
does not affect
show examples
people
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’s behaviour, there are many proofs that can be considered as
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative effect
negative effects
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particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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. The government should take
the
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apply
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responsibility
to maintain
Change preposition
for maintaining
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the
violence
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
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or on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Make sure to stay focused on the topic throughout the essay. Provide a clear stance and support it with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and cohesive devices to create a logical and coherent structure. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the topic and your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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