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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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The diagram highlights the data about secondary school at
west
Correct your spelling
West Park
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park
Use synonyms
 that developed in many areas which was built between 1950 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
diagram
Correct article usage
the diagram
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 comprised 3 stages, beginning at many houses and ending with convincing in the
car
Use synonyms
park
Use synonyms
. The stage starts when we may see
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
several changes. First of all,houses that
located
Add a missing verb
are located
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 close to
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 road
removed
Add a missing verb
were removed
show examples
 and replaced by
car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
science
Correct article usage
the science
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 block
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 part of the
scholl
Correct your spelling
school
 building which is linked to
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
the car
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park
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
farmland
Correct article usage
the farmland
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 changed
on
Change preposition
to
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sports
Add an article
the sports
a sports
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 field at the right of
Use synonyms
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
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.With
regarding
Replace the word
regard
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
show examples
,it is still unchanged over the 30 years.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
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park
Use synonyms
 witnessed
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 area.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
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park
Use synonyms
 took
approximately
Change preposition
up approximately
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 50
per centage
Correct your spelling
percentage
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 of
place
Correct article usage
the place
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. After that,
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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 field experienced
triple
Correct article usage
a triple
show examples
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
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,
then
Linking Words
 removed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
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park
Use synonyms
 and
playground
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 size parking respectively.
At the end
Linking Words
 of
Correct article usage
the stage
show examples
stage
Add a comma
stage,
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playground
Use synonyms
 undergo
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
area
Add an article
the area
an area
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 that
exist
Change the verb form
exists
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 at the right of
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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 field over the given timeframe
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park, car, playground with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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