Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and that having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security

Many

people

say that

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

performance

in their jobs is better than

job

security.

While others

Correct word choice

Others

show examples

believe that

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

steadily

Change the adverb

steady

show examples

work is crucial.

This

essay will discuss both views of the statement and explain

writer's

Correct article usage

the writer's

show examples

opinion in the following paragraphs.

To begin

with,

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

performance

in a

job

is important. It will make

people

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

get higher

earning

Fix the agreement mistake

earnings

show examples

This

is because companies will focus on

employees

who can complete their

jobdesks

Correct your spelling

job desks

excellently.

Furthermore

this

is linked to

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

level of achievements. Young

people

with a lot of passion have a desire to prove themselves. They will challenge their skills by constantly improving their capacity.

Nowdays

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

people

tend to choose a company that

offer

Change the verb form

offers

show examples

flexible contract duration. Working with long duration

contract

Fix the agreement mistake

contracts

show examples

will make

people

less

motivate

Wrong verb form

motivated

show examples

and will decrease their satisfaction level.

Whereas

people

who

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

permanent

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

feel more secure in their

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

. With

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

permanent work,

employees

do not feel insecure about the future, especially for

they

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

who have family.

For instance

, they will get monthly paid with a standard

performance

and there is no high pressure in their

job

Additionally

, permanent

employees

have more benefits,

such

as compensation

fee

Fix the agreement mistake

fees

show examples

and retired

fund

Fix the agreement mistake

funds

show examples

when they

are reach

Change the verb form

reach

show examples

the age of 65. In conclusion, in my opinion, doing a good

performance

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

job

is important, because it can increase

employees

earning

Fix the agreement mistake

earnings

show examples

and capacity. Despite having a permanent

job

also

important,

however

Add the comma(s)

however,

show examples

this

is only applied to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

who have family or older

employees

. Because they will get more security in their

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

and have several

benefit

Change the noun form

benefits

show examples

such

as compensation and

retired

Replace the word

retirement

show examples

funds.

Submitted by jxnxy01 on Fri Oct 27 2023

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task achievement

Make sure to address all aspects of the task prompt and provide a balanced discussion of both views.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay in a clear and logical manner by using appropriate paragraph structure and cohesive devices.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and expressions.

grammatical range

Work on your grammatical accuracy, paying attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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