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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world.

The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world.
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The three pie charts illustrate, the proportion of global production, intake and revenue share of the coffee beans market.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the top producers of
this
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 bean are not the biggest consumers;
however
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, the western countries are the most significant buyers of
this
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 product.
Moreover
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, the benefit earned in
this
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 industry mostly goes to the supply chain actors rather than the producers. In terms of its production, almost two-thirds of its portion is produced by South Africa (44%) and Indonesia (22%).
Nevertheless
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, Japan and Vietnam produce an almost equal amount of coffee, which is 18% and 16% respectively.
Conversely
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, Europe and America are the biggest consumers sharing 80% of its consumption.
However
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, Japan consumes 8% of the share,
while
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 producing 18%.
On the other hand
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, the maximum profit margin goes for delivery purposes,
whereas
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 the producers gain only 15% of the total pie. Thereby, the rest proportion of the profit is availed by the retailers and exporters amounting to 24% and 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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