IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one untiversity in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one untiversity in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
#show #proportions #british #students #untiversity #england #languages #addition #english
The graph shows the percentages of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
university
students
 in England who are British English
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 but can speak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other languages, in
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2000 and 2010.
It is clear that
 most of
students
Add an article
the students
show examples
 who can speak in other languages are good in only
Spanish
 in both time periods.
Additionally
, the
rate
 for
students
 who can speak in 'Two other languages' and German only remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
,
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 the other rates changed after 10 years.
Firstly
, the proportion of
students
 who can speak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Spanish
 and 'Another
language
' has increased from 2000 to 2010. The
rate
 for
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
 rise from 30% to 35% and the figures for 'Another
language
' are 15% and 20%.
In contrast
, the student percentages for French experienced a 5% fall in 2010, but the
rate
 for 'No other
language
'
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 down to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
half (from 20% to 10%) in 10 years period.
Moreover
, the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 ratio for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
German and 'Two other
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
' were
consistant
Correct your spelling
consistent
 throughout the decade.
Overall
,
Spanish
 is the favourite
language
 after English for the British
Students
 of that university from 2000 to 2010.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 half of
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 rates altered
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
%, the people
rate
 with no other
language
 skills came down to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half.
Submitted by Jasim Uddin Rahat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, spanish, rate, language with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • percentage
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • globalisation
  • educational reforms
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • predominant
  • future career opportunities
  • employability
  • cultural reasons
  • economic reasons
  • political reasons
  • sustained popularity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: