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Band 4.5

The graph below shows the percentage of dependents in 2000 and predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average.

The graph below shows the percentage of dependents in 2000 and predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average.
#percentage #dependents #figures #five #countries #world
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The bar graph
depics
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depicts
depict
 the proportion of
dependents
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 in five
countries
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along with
Linking Words
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 average in 2000 and a prediction for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, percentages of
dependents
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 in given
countries
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 except for Korea were higher than the world average in 2000. Interestingly, the rates of
dependents
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 in India, Indonesia and China will be estimated to decrease lower than the world average in 2050.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the rate of
dependents
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 is predicted to rise from nearly 40% to around 30%, between 2000 and 2050. Turning to the remaining
countries
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, an increase is estimated for all of them in the
dependents
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 rate. The most remarkable rise is expected in Korea, which more than double
rising
Verb problem
apply
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in fifty years. The second significant increase is predicted in Japan, from just above 30 per cent to 50 per cent in the whole time frame. Despite
in
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apply
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Indonesia and China
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 estimated to follow an increasing trend , meanwhile,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 rate
rising
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rise
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 may be considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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slight compared to other
countries
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 ( Korea
ang
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and
 Japan).
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dependents, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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