IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #staff #four #weeks #holiday #year #employees #work
Nowadays people are looking over the perks of a particular job before joining. A four weeks
holiday
 annually would
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
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a plus point and would make better in the employees as it may help to manage between family and
work
 which have better outcome in
relations
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
. When a month
holiday
 is planned per year, people really get eager for it and
work
 with a lot of interest before the
holiday
 to earn and save
whereas
 it would be a benefit for the
company
 itself loyal employees.
Work
 stress would be
relived
Correct your spelling
relieved
show examples
 and
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 would have time to visit, enjoy and spend time with family without the loss of pay. People with strong support and good
relation
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relations
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 with family have better concentration
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 and may
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to
focused
Change the form of the verb
focus
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 on
work
.
Though
Correct word choice
However
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 it has some disadvantages for the employer at
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 like
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profits,
frequent
Correct word choice
and frequent
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 in the
employee
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employees
show examples
 on and off
work
.
For
example
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example,
show examples
 a person after a long
holiday
 of 4 weeks would feel too lazy to go since he has already missed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 for a period he would become unwilling to return
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Even though the worker may join back to
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 wouldn't be able to focus on
the
Change the word
their
his
her
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carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 and goals leading to jeopardise. In conclusion, I would agree with an annual
holiday
 for employees for the betterment of the
company
 having
well concentrated
Add a hyphen
well-concentrated
show examples
 workers focused on their
work
 and goals,
whereas
 some loss of the employers could be coped up with the same loyal and helpful men working.
Submitted by noorainfatima135 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed and a clear opinion is presented.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion by using topic sentences for each paragraph and providing more supporting details.
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • recharge
  • rejuvenate
  • personal growth
  • development
  • loyalty
  • commitment
  • exploration
  • different perspectives
  • talent retention
  • job satisfaction
  • stress reduction
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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