The pie graphs show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graphs shows the activities in which the girls participate in.

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The pie charts give information about the percentage of survey results regarding several different cultural and leisure activities in which male and female children are involved.

Overall

Linking Words

, boys mainly play computer games,

while

Linking Words

their counterparts spend much time in dancing

Use synonyms

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

. To commence with, computer games are the main leisure

activity

Use synonyms

done among boys at 34%,

while

Linking Words

basketball accounts for 26%, making it the second favourite

activity

Use synonyms

in their spare time.

Subsequently

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, football and skateboarding make up 28% where the former is 17% and the latter is 11%.

However

Linking Words

, listening to music is only 10%, whilst reading is 2%, which means that

this

Linking Words

is the lowest compared to other ones. Regarding the girls’ leisure activities, dancing is the most preferable

activity

Use synonyms

at 27%, followed by reading at 21%. Having been involved in dancing and reading, they

also

Linking Words

play computer games which account for 16%.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, netball comprises 15% of total activities,

while

Linking Words

gymnastics is 4%lower than netball at 11%.

Lastly

Linking Words

, girls use the same amount of time for listening to music as the boys at 10%.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Nov 01 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

176 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

participate
cultural activities
leisure activities
pie graphs
survey
boys
girls
comparison
participation
overall
similarities
differences

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The pie graphs show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graphs shows the activities in which the girls participate in.

Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.（重复2011 年老题）

Many people now live in societies where consumer goods have become cheap. Do advantages outweigh disadvanatges?

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?