The pie graphs show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graphs shows the activities in which the girls participate in.

The pie graphs show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graphs shows the activities in which the girls participate in.
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The pie charts give information about the percentage of survey results regarding several different cultural and leisure activities in which male and female children are involved.
Overall
, boys mainly play computer games,
while
their counterparts spend much time in dancing
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. To commence with, computer games are the main leisure
activity
done among boys at 34%,
while
basketball accounts for 26%, making it the second favourite
activity
in their spare time.
Subsequently
, football and skateboarding make up 28% where the former is 17% and the latter is 11%.
However
, listening to music is only 10%, whilst reading is 2%, which means that
this
is the lowest compared to other ones. Regarding the girls’ leisure activities, dancing is the most preferable
activity
at 27%, followed by reading at 21%. Having been involved in dancing and reading, they
also
play computer games which account for 16%.
Furthermore
, netball comprises 15% of total activities,
while
gymnastics is 4%lower than netball at 11%.
Lastly
, girls use the same amount of time for listening to music as the boys at 10%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participate
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • pie graphs
  • survey
  • boys
  • girls
  • comparison
  • participation
  • overall
  • similarities
  • differences
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