IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter You are looking for part-time job at a football club Write a letter in about 150-200 words to the manager of the football club. Your email should do the following 1)Introduce yourself 2)Explain what experience and special skills you have 3)Tell him/her when you think you could start

#job #football #club #manager #email #skills
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Dear manager, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my interest in a part-time job at your
football
Use synonyms
 club.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is James from Chicago , I am 35 years old , and an international player of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
football
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
 and
had
Wrong verb form
I have
show examples
 played for my country’s national
team
Use synonyms
. At Present I have retired from active participation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
game
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vast knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
football
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
 and
techniques
Correct article usage
the techniques
show examples
 that are required for the
game
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I have been following your
football
Use synonyms
team
Use synonyms
 in various tournaments , and I
really
Add a missing verb
am really
show examples
 impressed with
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
 of your
football
Use synonyms
 club.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I have a dream
to work
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 with your
football
Use synonyms
team
Use synonyms
 as a Coach, recently I saw an advertisement for a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 job as a head coach in the newspaper,
Correct word choice
and I
show examples
I
Correct word choice
and I
show examples
felt my extensive experience of the
game
Use synonyms
 would definitely
suitable
Add a missing verb
be suitable
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 position . If you could give me an opportunity , I would assure you that , I could make our
team
Use synonyms
 as a world
champions
Correct the article-noun agreement
champion
show examples
 of a
football
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
. If I get a chance to work , I could start working from 3rd October 2023. I would appreciate your understanding and
anticipating
Wrong verb form
anticipate
show examples
 a prompt response. Yours sincerely, James.
Submitted by ssssss9999 on

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task response
The letter does not fully address all the points required in the task. Make sure to include information about your experience and special skills in a more explicit manner.
coherence and cohesion (logical structure)
There is a lack of coherence and cohesion in the logical structure of the letter. Try organizing your ideas more clearly and use appropriate linking words to connect your sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion (greeting and closing)
The greeting and closing of the letter could be improved. Use a more formal and professional tone in your greeting and closing statements.
coherence and cohesion (single idea per paragraph)
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea. Avoid combining multiple ideas in one paragraph to improve clarity.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar usage. Make sure to use accurate grammar and sentence structures throughout the letter.

Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

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