When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
When it comes to choosing a career, many
people
put the salary
at
Change preposition
apply
the
first place to consider. The Correct article usage
apply
salary
may be a crucial concern when finding a job, however
, there are several other things that are also
essential.
In general, people
make money
for living
, Correct article usage
a living
thus
, without a proper salary
, they cannot maintain their basic demands. If sufficient money
is not earned, people
may not have the ability to buy adequate food, leading to malnutrition. Furthermore
, people
would struggle to find a safe place to settle down and get appropriate rest because of the
Change the word
their
money
deficiency. On top of that, people
with low salaries would not be able to receive medical support once they are ill. Therefore
, when people
don’t get enough money
from their job
, they may become vulnerable, exhausted, and hard to be cured when sick.
There are multiple factors Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
concerned
as crucial as the Correct word choice
apply
salary
, I
will discuss in Correct pronoun usage
which I
this
paragraph. Firstly
, people
should take the distance between the workplace and the dwelling into consideration, because excessive commuting time is a cost. Secondly
, an ideal career should offer employees different welfare, such
as performance bonus
and medical insurance. Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
Last
but not least, unreasonable working hours will damage people
's health for Correct article usage
the long-term
long-term
. Correct your spelling
long term
For instance
, people
who always work overtime have no chance to ease themselves physically and mentally may
encounter Correct word choice
and may
breakdown
eventually.
In conclusion, it is important for Fix the agreement mistake
breakdowns
people
to take not only the salary
but also
workplace distance, given
welfare, and working hours into consideration when seeking a suitable job.Verb problem
apply
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical paragraph structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?