When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When it comes to choosing a career, many
people
put the
salary
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place to consider. The
salary
may be a crucial concern when finding a job,
however
, there are several other things that are
also
essential. In general,
people
make
money
for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
,
thus
, without a proper
salary
, they cannot maintain their basic demands. If sufficient
money
is not earned,
people
may not have the ability to buy adequate food, leading to malnutrition.
Furthermore
,
people
would struggle to find a safe place to settle down and get appropriate rest because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
money
deficiency. On top of that,
people
with low salaries would not be able to receive medical support once they are ill.
Therefore
, when
people
don’t get enough
money
from their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, they may become vulnerable, exhausted, and hard to be cured when sick. There are multiple factors
concerned
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as crucial as the
salary
,
I
Correct pronoun usage
which I
show examples
will discuss in
this
paragraph.
Firstly
,
people
should take the distance between the workplace and the dwelling into consideration, because excessive commuting time is a cost.
Secondly
, an ideal career should offer employees different welfare,
such
as performance
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
and medical insurance.
Last
but not least, unreasonable working hours will damage
people
's health for
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
For instance
,
people
who always work overtime have no chance to ease themselves physically and mentally
may
Correct word choice
and may
show examples
encounter
breakdown
Fix the agreement mistake
breakdowns
show examples
eventually. In conclusion, it is important for
people
to take not only the
salary
but
also
workplace distance,
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
welfare, and working hours into consideration when seeking a suitable job.
Submitted by anna85796 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical paragraph structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
What to do next:
Look at other essays: