IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of
Austalian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 people who did physical activity in different
age
 groups and genders in 2010. 
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the female at 65 years
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 as much as
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 46 to 47
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
, the percentage of Australian
women
 doing physical activity
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 higher than the percentage of
men
 in every generation except teenage
age
.
To begin
 with, both genders at 15 to 24 tend to
had
Change the verb
have
show examples
 the highest percentage of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
exercise
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,  the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is 52.8 per cent,
whereas
women
 had 47.7 per cent. During the teenage
age
,
men
 and
women
 had the smallest difference around 5 per cent. Around middle
age
,
women
 and
men
 had a gap between each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
, the
percentahe
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
men
 did
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 more than
women
 around 3-5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In conclusion, in 2010
men
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to
doing
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 physical activity more than
women
 in
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 except
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
juvenile
Add an article
the juvenile
show examples
 period of
age
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, women, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: