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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the proportion of
Austalian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 people who did physical activity in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups and genders in 2010. 
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the female at 65 years
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 as much as
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 46 to 47
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of Australian
women
Use synonyms
 doing physical activity
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 higher than the percentage of
men
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 in every generation except teenage
age
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, both genders at 15 to 24 tend to
had
Change the verb
have
show examples
 the highest percentage of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
exercise
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,  the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is 52.8 per cent,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 had 47.7 per cent. During the teenage
age
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 had the smallest difference around 5 per cent. Around middle
age
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 had a gap between each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
, the
percentahe
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
men
Use synonyms
 did
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 more than
women
Use synonyms
 around 3-5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In conclusion, in 2010
men
Use synonyms
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to
doing
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 physical activity more than
women
Use synonyms
 in
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 except
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
juvenile
Add an article
the juvenile
show examples
 period of
age
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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