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Writing Samples /
Band 3

people flying carbon emission water shortages

#people #carbon #emission #water #shortages
change
climate
 Nowadays, have many
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
climate
Change preposition
in climate
show examples
 in the world. When we speak about
change
climate
, the more important is about
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
water
Change preposition
on water
show examples
 availability, making it scarcer in more regions. Global warming worsens dry periods in regions where water shortages are already common and
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to a greater
riskof
Correct your spelling
risk of
 agricultural droughts, increasing the vulnerability of ecosystems. The problem of
climate
change
 is
exarcebated
Correct your spelling
exacerbated
 by people flying too much and creating carbon emissions. In
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 regions
happens
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the shortages food because with
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 rain,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 showers don't have time to sink in
soil
Correct article usage
the soil
show examples
 and
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 go
in
Rephrase
apply
show examples
downhill and cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
erosion.
this
 soil is not
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
available for agriculture causing food shortages. To cut down on coal
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people need
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
 lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 fewer fuels and the world become sustainable. another way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Global warming is consumption lower meat
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture is the main responsible for the emission of greenhouse gases. In
these sense
Change the determiner
this sense
these senses
show examples
, a more diversified diet with less
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of
read
Correct your spelling
red
show examples
 meat,
in addition
 to being
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
, helps to reduce emissions.
To sum up
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe each person
make
Wrong verb form
should do
show examples
 their part, take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative transport,
eat
Correct word choice
and eat
show examples
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 red meat, we can make the world better for
everbody
Correct your spelling
everybody
.
Submitted by paulacosentino1 on

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task response
Ensure that all the components of the task are addressed in the essay, including both water shortages and carbon emissions.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and structure of the essay, making sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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