The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.

The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.
The diagram
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
the percentage change in the share of
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
students among university graduates in
another Canadian provinces
Replace the adjective
another Canadian province
other Canadian provinces
show examples
between 2001 and 2006.
Overall
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2006
undoubtly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
seem
Wrong verb form
seemed
show examples
a very good result for all Canadian
universities
and New Brunswick
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
highest
per
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
cent
among
universities
in both years. The most noticeable
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
British Columbia which was under 5 per
cent
and was a fifth place ,
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
second and has a above 10 per
cent
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
Nova Scotia which was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
next to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New Brunswick increased their score, despite in 2006
faled
Correct your spelling
falling
opposing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British Columbia.
Furthermore
,
universities
like Ontario, Labrador ,Newfoundland and
Monitoba
Correct your spelling
Manitoba
also
had an increase and doubled in 2006 in 5 years.
As well as
Quebec and Alberta didn't stay in one place and increased sharply
according to
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
year. Over 5 year period
universities
show incredible results. Since more
universities
were below
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5 per
cent
and only three of them were high
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5. In 2006 all were above five, during three were above ten.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words universities, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: