The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.

#percentage #change #students #university #graduates #canadian #provinces #period #years

The diagram

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

show examples

the percentage change in the share of

world-wide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

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students among university graduates in

another Canadian provinces

Replace the adjective

another Canadian province

other Canadian provinces

show examples

between 2001 and 2006.

Overall

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2006

undoubtly

Correct your spelling

undoubtedly

seem

Wrong verb form

seemed

show examples

a very good result for all Canadian

universities

and New Brunswick

has

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

highest

per

Correct your spelling

percentage

show examples

cent

among

universities

in both years. The most noticeable

changes

Fix the agreement mistake

change

show examples

has

Verb problem

show examples

British Columbia which was under 5 per

cent

and was a fifth place ,

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

second and has a above 10 per

cent

Also

Add a comma

Also,

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Nova Scotia which was

Correct article usage

apply

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next to

the

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apply

show examples

New Brunswick increased their score, despite in 2006

faled

Correct your spelling

falling

opposing to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

British Columbia.

Furthermore

universities

like Ontario, Labrador ,Newfoundland and

Monitoba

Correct your spelling

Manitoba

also

had an increase and doubled in 2006 in 5 years.

As well as

Quebec and Alberta didn't stay in one place and increased sharply

according to

Add an article

the previous

show examples

year. Over 5 year period

universities

show incredible results. Since more

universities

were below

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

5 per

cent

and only three of them were high

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

5. In 2006 all were above five, during three were above ten.

Submitted by aikumarbekarys on Thu Nov 02 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words universities, cent with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

174 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Write a letter to your manager to nominate a person for best employee of the year award. Who is this person Why did you choose him? What is the characteristic of a good employee?

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some countries have implemented mandatory community service programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this for young people?

children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion؟