The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.

#percentage #change #students #university #graduates #canadian #provinces #period #years

The diagram

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

show examples

the percentage change in the share of

world-wide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

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students among university graduates in

another Canadian provinces

Replace the adjective

another Canadian province

other Canadian provinces

show examples

between 2001 and 2006.

Overall

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2006

undoubtly

Correct your spelling

undoubtedly

seem

Wrong verb form

seemed

show examples

a very good result for all Canadian

universities

and New Brunswick

has

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

highest

per

Correct your spelling

percentage

show examples

cent

among

universities

in both years. The most noticeable

changes

Fix the agreement mistake

change

show examples

has

Verb problem

show examples

British Columbia which was under 5 per

cent

and was a fifth place ,

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

second and has a above 10 per

cent

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

Nova Scotia which was

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

next to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

New Brunswick increased their score, despite in 2006

faled

Correct your spelling

falling

opposing to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

British Columbia.

Furthermore

universities

like Ontario, Labrador ,Newfoundland and

Monitoba

Correct your spelling

Manitoba

also

had an increase and doubled in 2006 in 5 years.

As well as

Quebec and Alberta didn't stay in one place and increased sharply

according to

Add an article

the previous

show examples

year. Over 5 year period

universities

show incredible results. Since more

universities

were below

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

5 per

cent

and only three of them were high

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

5. In 2006 all were above five, during three were above ten.

Submitted by aikumarbekarys on Thu Nov 02 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words universities, cent with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

174 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces over a period of 5 years.

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

More and more plastic waste is polluting cities, countrysides and oceans on the world. What problems does it cause? What are the solutions?

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working arrangement has more advantages or dis- advantages? Share personal examples in your essay.