some people regard video games as hamless fun, or even as a useful educational tool.

Some
people
reckon that playing
video
games
is a healthy way to have fun, which is even a practical tool to educate.
On the contrary
, others believe that there will be a harmful influence on
people
who play
video
games
. In my opinion, I think playing
video
games
appropriately is beneficial for
people
, but spending
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
on
video
games
is absolutely harmful. On the one hand, there are several benefits
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
playing
video
games
for a reasonable
time
. First and foremost, playing
video
games
properly is helpful for
people
to release their pressure.
Therefore
, they could get a great spirit and with less stress to study or work more
effciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
.
For example
,
people
who play
video
games
for an hour may finish their tasks with a relaxed condition over an hour which should take them two hours to deal.
In addition
, there is some extra knowledge in
video
games
. English
video
games
could help
people
who play
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to enhance their ability and proficiency
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
English
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
of listening and reading more English.
On the other hand
, spending
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
on
video
games
will injure
people
’s physical and mental health. For
people
who are not self-disciplined, they are easy to addicted to
video
games
.
Therefore
, they may spend at least half
time
of the daytime
to enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoying
show examples
the joy they think, and for just several months, the result is that their vision
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
worse, which is irreversible injury. In terms of their mental condition, they are likely to become furious and moody after they
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
a type of competitive game
continuously
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, there are some benefits for
people
who play
video
games
properly, but the damage of playing
video
games
for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
unreasonable
time
is visible and sometimes destructive.
Submitted by huangzijun2293 on

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task response
Provide a clear opinion statement in the introduction and a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay coherently with clear topic sentences and supporting details in each paragraph. Use transition words to guide the reader through the essay.
lexical resource
Diversify the vocabulary and use a wider range of synonyms and expressions. Use academic language to demonstrate a high level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Use a variety of sentence types and ensure they are accurate and appropriate for the context.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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