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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the bar chart illustrates the figure of people divided by gender in the UK who attended
further
Linking Words
 education, whether they were studying full-time or part-time between the years 1970 to 1991.
overall
Linking Words
, it is clear to
both
Use synonyms
 genders that more
students
Use synonyms
 are enrolled in part-time than in full-time studies over the time periods. female academic attendees have steadily increased over the years,
while
Linking Words
 male
students
Use synonyms
 tend to slightly
fluctuated
Change the verb
fluctuate
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.
according to
Linking Words
 the graph, in part-time education, from 1970 to 1971 men started off higher with 1,000,000
students
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 women were nearly 800,000 people. in the second period, the number of men dropped by almost 200,000 and women rose to around 100,000. by the end of the year from 1990-1991,
both
Use synonyms
 sexes are increasing.
however
Linking Words
, women are striking the highest peak for nearly 1,200,000 academic attendees.
furthermore
Linking Words
, full-time education
students
Use synonyms
 are generally low in three periods of time. but there is a trend that over the years there has been a steady increase in
both
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 sexes. it is noted that in the beginning, the male student was higher (100,000) than the female (50,000). and
then
Linking Words
 in 1990-1991,
both
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 genders shared
equal
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an equal
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 amount of enrolled
students
Use synonyms
 around 210,000.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words both, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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